This is my first post since a change of job for me, but it’s one that’s been brewing for a while.

Long has the phonetic alphabet enjoyed dominance over the ‘can you spell that for me’ market! Well, no more! The following is my suggestion to make telephone operators lives complete hell…! If you’re not paying for the bill and you don’t fancy being nice to the operator on the phone for whatever reason, then consider making the conversation very complicated and interesting with the new Anti-Phonetic alphabet.

Before we dive right in, I’d like to make two points:

1) Phonetic is an silly word as it’s not spelt the way it’s spoken and could quite easily have been in this list. The person who came up with the spelling had as much of a sense of humour as the person who decided to put an S in “Lisp”.

2) Not all letters in this list are idea. I’ve marked with an asterisk (*) the ones I feel could be improved and I’ve filled them with example words which are probably adequate for causing confusion.

• Aubergine
• Bdellium
• Cygnet
• Djinn
• Ewe
• Fort *
• Gnome
• Honour
• Igor
• Jalapeno
• Knot
• Llandudno
• Mnemonic
• Nguyen
• Ouija
• Pterodactyl
• Quay
• Right *
• See
• Tsunami
• Urn
• Ventripotent *
• Why
• Xenophobia
• You
• Zenzizenzizenzic

Make sure you have a nosey at the words if you don’t know what they mean, or even, how to pronounce them. Go forth and cause chaos! Muhahahaha!