Hope you all have (or have had, by the time you read this) a fantastic Christmas! All the best for 2010! J Enjoy!

Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise…….

BUMP……..

BUMP……..

BUMP……..

Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.

BUMP……..

BUMP……..

BUMP……..

He froze to the spot, he couldn’ t believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly….It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home. …….

BUMP……..

BUMP……..

BUMP……..

He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster………

BUMP……..BUMP……

BUMP……..BUMP..

BUMP……..BUMP……

The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him……

BUMP……..BUMP…BUMP…

BUMP……..BUMP…BUMP…

BUMP……..BUMP…BUMP…

He started to sprint, but so did the coffin ……

BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…BUMP.

BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…..

BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…BUMP.

Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase…..

BUMP…SCREECH…BUMP…SCREECH…

BUMP…SCREECH…BUMP…SCREECH…

BUMP…SCREECH…BUMP…SCREECH…

BUMP…SCREECH…BUMP…SCREECH…

In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom locked the door……..

BUMP…SCREECH…HOP..BUMP…SCREECH…HOP…

BUMP…SCREECH…HOP…BUMP…SCREECH…HOP..

BUMP…SCREECH…HOP…BUMP…SCREECH…HOP..

The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges….. The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad.

BUMP…SCREECH…BUMP…SCREECH…

BUMP…SCREECH…BUMP.SCREECH…

BUMP…SCREECH…BUMP…SCREECH…

In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet…… He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin…….still it came ……..

BUMP…SCREECH…BUMP…SCREECH…

He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ….still it came……

BUMP…SCREECH…BUMP.SCREECH…

He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it …..still it came……

BUMP…SCREECH…BUMP…SCREECH..

He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it……..

The coffin stopped.

A man is waiting for wife to give birth on Christmas Eve. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head!

But the father loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.

Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink!”

The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out.

The bar goes wild, but the bartender is clearly disapproving.

The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink!” The bartender ignores the whole affair.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.

The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left… then to the right… right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, “That boy should have quit while he was a head.”